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Saturday, 30 November 2013

Here it is...

(C) Leesha McCoy 2013


“Are you ready, son?”
“I think so, dad. How do I explain the reason why I wasn’t there when Hattie passed?”
My dad sits down on the edge of my bed. “Just tell her that you’re sorry, Clarence. She doesn’t need to know the reason you weren’t there right now.”
I finish packing my suitcase and set it down over by the door. “Hmmm. Maybe not, but she’s on her own. I should’ve been there. She already thinks that everyone’s gonna leave her.”
“Well, make sure she knows that you aren’t going anywhere.”
“I’m not. I'm never leaving her again.”
“I know son.”
I check my wound in the mirror. I need this cut to disappear, fast. I wish it wasn’t so deep, it would've healed by now. That fucking ware nearly took my eye out. I’ll need to put a bandage over it before I leave.
I turn around to look at my father. “Yes, dad?”
“Abriya is in a different league to us. She's powerful-“
“I know dad, you've already told me this.”
“No, son. She is so powerful that she could wipe us all out easily, on her own.”
I stare at my father. We’re the strongest wares alive. For him to be saying that one person alone, could wipe out the James' is massive. I walk across the room and sit down next to him, hoping he will elaborate on his previous comment.
“The more I see her in my visions, the more amazing she appears. She has a faithful heart and her feelings are easily hurt but make no mistake about her power, her strength. When you train her don’t push her too far with your attempt to make her angry. She can kill you before she even knows what she's doing.” He sighs heavily. “I believe you and Abriya will change our future forever. Not just the James’ future but the whole of our kind.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I don’t want you to underestimate her. You haven’t seen what I have seen, I can only tell you. Abriya will love you with all her heart. She will put you above anyone or anything. I used to think that there wasn’t a stronger love than your mothers and mine but you and Abriya...” He smiles warmly and rests his hand on mine, shaking it reassuringly.
“I feel like I don’t deserve her. She’s so innocent. I listen to her thoughts a lot when I feel lonely and I just can’t believe that she’s meant to be mine.”
“Clarence, don’t talk nonsense. I’m so proud of you, the way you looked after her for all those years. Making sure no harm came to her but also standing back and allowing some pretty nasty people to treat her badly along the way. Your mother and I used to feel so hopeless watching you spend your time alone. You are a credit to us and you will be to Abriya. She needs you more than you know.”
I need her more than anyone knows. “Thanks dad. That means a lot.”
“No problem, son. Come on let’s get you on your way. Your woman will be changing soon. You want to get there in plenty of time.” My father releases my hand and stands.
“Yeah. I better be goin.”
“One last thing, son.”
“Yes, dad?”
“When she changes, make sure you change too. You won’t survive her pain otherwise.”
Damn. “Is it going to be that bad?”
“It's going to be worse.”

After check in I head straight to the bar, I feel nervous and excited about seeing Abriya. After I left her in the park I promised my father that I would leave her be. I didn’t want to draw any attention to her from my enemies and that meant steering well clear of her. What my dad doesn’t know is that I had a few wares looking after her. He must have been crazy to think I woulda left her completely alone. JJ did a good job of teaching her self-defence, even though I’m sure he secretly has a crush on her, the dick. I wanted to kill him every time he called with his report on how she was getting on. I ain’t ashamed to admit that I was jealous of him spending time with her. I think the last four years killed me more than the first two hundred and four.
I listened to her sometimes but apart from that I tried to ignore it. The thing that hurt most is when she cried and I couldn’t comfort her, knowing I was the main culprit. She’s been loyal to me even though she had no guarantee that I’d be back and that alone makes me love her more, I don’t know what I would have done if I had felt her having sex or getting close to someone else.

The drinks go down easily and when I board the plane into first class I order another.
“Here is your Jack Daniels, Sir. Can I get you anything else?” asks a short and skinny brunette.
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
She nods and smiles before delivering drinks to the seats behind me. I sip my Jack and relax in my chair. I can’t believe this day has finally come. When my father told me about Abriya I thought I’d never last to this day.
I make a mental note of things I need to do as soon as I land. I need a four by four ASAP, I need it to get to the cabin where Abriya will be. I need supplies too, food and drinks, I know Hattie sorted the meat so I don’t need to worry about that. If we run out I’ll just go and hunt.
I wake unsettled, I’m sure I heard Abriya in pain. I rub my eyes and look at the time. We’ll soon be landing and then I’ll have to wait for my connecting flight to London.
After a few minutes, I realise I can’t hear Abriya. I shut my eyes and concentrate hard, she’s not dreaming or thinking, or talking, What the fuck? I start to panic, so much so that the stewardess from earlier comes over to check if I’m okay. I get rid of her quickly and draw the curtain across my booth. Something has happened to her, since she was born I have felt her, heard her and now there is nothing but silence. What if one of my enemies has found her? Motherfucker!
I clench my fists together and try to hold my temper, I feel like changing and ripping this whole fucking plane to shreds.
“Please fasten you’re seatbelts, we will be landing shortly.”
Thank fuck, I need to get off this fucking plane and go somewhere and change.

I don’t bother waiting for my connecting flight once we land, I call in a favour and get a private jet to fly me to London instead. I call my dad and tell him that something’s happened to Abriya. He does the parent thing and tells me not to think the worst and to calm the hell down. I do neither, I’m fuckin dying here.
Before I reach Heathrow I call one of my cousins and tell him to buy me a range and some supplies. I don’t tell him what it’s for, I just tell him it better be waiting there for when I land. I change about a thousand times on the flight, I’m going insane, all I can think about is getting to her. This is all that fucking ware’s fault. I would have already been with Abriya if we hadn’t been attacked in the middle of the night by some ware thinking he was gonna overthrow us. Twenty fucking years and the week before she changes, I fuck up.

I speed down the dirt track towards the cabin, her scent is stronger now and my stomach twists as I think about what I’m gonna find inside. Is she lying dead in there? I swear I will kill them and their entire fucking bloodline if anyone has touched her.
I slam on the brakes and park next to Hattie’s range. I call Abriya’s name as I jump the stairs and kick open the door. As soon as I get inside I see Abriya lying lifeless on the sofa .She looks so, different.
I quickly go and kneel beside her. "Abriya! Please wake up." I shake her. I check her for wounds but I can’t see any blood or bruising. I notice her glasses on the floor and put them in my pocket. I move her hair out of her face and notice she’s still warm… "Oh God, Abriya. Please, don’t do this to me," I beg desperately. I pick her up and carry her upstairs, taking her in the room where her scent is strongest. I lay her down on the bed and check for a pulse. Relief washes through me, she’s alive.
Damn, she looks so different, definitely slimmer, JJ must have been working her too hard. I’ll kick his ass. Her mascara has run down her face which means she must have been crying. I clench my fists and go in search of a wash cloth in the bathroom to clean her face. I wanna see her without her makeup. I sit back on the bed beside her and wipe her face, I’ll be God damned, I can hardly find the words to describe how beautiful she is.
"You’re so… beautiful," I whisper, touching her cheek and tucking her soft curly hair behind her ear. What’s wrong with her?
 I get off the bed and go get my things out the car. I find my phone and call my dad, maybe he’ll know what’s wrong.
“Dad, I’m with her, she’s alive but I can’t hear or feel her,” I tell him as I make my way back upstairs.
“It’s her change, Son.”
"It’s not time yet though."
“No, it’s not her actual change, it’s the build-up. She probably hasn’t eaten enough meat so her body is in shock. When she wakes up you need to make sure she eats plenty.”
“Okay, as soon as she does, I will.
“Try not to worry, Clarence. She’ll be fine. You’re there now.”
“Okay, dad, I’ll talk to you later.”
I check the fridge and see that there is a lot of beef already in there defrosting. I help myself to a few steaks and cut up the beef joint into chunks, ready for when Abriya wakes up. I go back upstairs and get into bed with her. I smell her hair and hold her close to me. I notice her butt is still big and then chaste myself for thinking like that at a time like this. I can’t believe how much she’s changed. She’s morphed from a girl into a woman. She’s perfect.

It’s Sunday evening and Abriya is still unconscious. I’ve called my dad about a hundred times. I just don’t know what to do. I've tried waking her so many times but she doesn’t as much as flinch. I can tell she isn’t well, she’s gone pale and dark circles have formed around her eyes. Guilt consumes me, if only I’d come sooner, none of this would be happening. If she never wakes up it will be my fault. I just don’t think I could deal with that, and I could no way in hell live without her, my parents would no doubt lose another son.
“Ahh!” Abriya screams, ‘Oh thank God, I can move.’ “Clarence!” she sobs.
‘Oh thank you, Jesus.’ I race upstairs and see Abriya writhing on the bed in the foetal position, clutching the sheets. “Abriya!” I shout before racing to her side.

Thursday, 21 November 2013


I don't think anyone is more excited than me, about Abriya and Clarence's 2nd book coming out!!!
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited, can you tell?
So I'm gonna put a sneak peek on my page in the next few days, I just can't decide whether it's gonna be naughty or good :) iykwim.
I'm also thinking of splitting this book into two as well, then I can get it out quicker for you all.
Any thoughts or comments email me on LeeshaMcCoyAuthor(at)Gmail(dot)com.

Hope you're all well.

Leesha xx

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Hey all,

I know, I know, I'm late releasing my Romance! All I can say is that it will be out by the end of November.
Thank you to those of you who have reviewed my book! It really does help to build my following.
I have recently divided Becoming Aware into two books. I am still writing it but I haven't got a release time yet. I refuse to rush it and mess up the story, and I have so much to get in this next book that I have to make sure I remember it all and it all flows well.
 Here is a sneak peek of my upcoming romance - enjoy!

(C) Leesha McCoy 2013

Sneak Peek 1.

I fiddle with my crystal clutch bag as Nathan gets in the car and then asks me the dreaded question.
“Where do you live?”
I think about lying and telling him somewhere random and then when he drops me off I can call a taxi. Then I think about telling him the truth, that I live on his street, but then I quickly dismiss both ideas and decide to feign innocence.
“I live in the west End.”
“Okay,” he says deeply, giving me a quick glance before starting the engine, checking for traffic and then pulling onto the carriageway. “I know the West End pretty well, what part?”
I look out the window and wind it down a little, inhaling the warm, night air. Here we go… “Wyndham Street.”
I feel his gaze on me instantly. I keep my eyes firmly fixed on the world outside the car. My stomach clenches as the seconds tick by without a word from either of us. After eternity I finally turn my head to look at him, unable to take the silence any longer. He’s watching the road intently, one elbow on the arm rest of the door and one hand firmly wrapped around the steering wheel. His face is cast in shadows, only occasionally lighting up when a slither of light penetrates the tinted glass windows.
“I thought you looked familiar,” is all he says.
“I don’t—“
“Cut the crap, Amaya, you live opposite me, don’t you?”
The terseness catches me off guard and I instantly regret my decision to let him take me home. He must know that I know where he lives, or at least thinks that I know. I decide against my better judgement to tell the truth.
“Yes.” I stare at him, hoping to gage what he’s thinking.
“Do you like me?” he asks in that huskily deep voice and I notice a smirk on his lips. Damn, has he seen me spying on him? Does he know more than what he’s letting on?
“I…” What do I say?
“Be honest, Amaya, do you like me?”
I sigh heavily. “You seem like a nice guy, we’re going into business together and we wouldn’t be if I didn’t think you were a nice person.” That’s the truth, if he was an asshole I wouldn’t give him the time of day.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He turns to look at me as we hit a traffic jam at Leicester Square.
“What do you want me to say? That I think you’re hot?” I cross my arms and look back out of the window, this is not how I saw my night panning out. Frustrated, I try and see what’s holding us up up-ahead, it looks like there’s been an accident, I can see flashing blue lights. He laughs, I’m not sure if it’s at my question or, at me.
“I just want you to be honest, I can’t figure you out.”
I scoff. “There isn’t anything to figure out.”
“Sure there is, I’d like to get to know you.”
Bewildered, I turn back and face him, he’s staring intently at me. Before I know what’s happening, soft lips are on mine. I freeze and hold my breath, Nathan gently bites my lower lip and it triggers my senses enough to kiss him back. His hand cups my neck and jaw, making me feel tremors through the whole of my body. His kiss is gentle but firm and when he releases my mouth to kiss the edge of my lips and along my jaw, I’m panting.
He suddenly pulls away from me as the car behind us starts to beep its horn. “Move out the fucking way, dickhead,” a woman shouts. I blink rapidly at Nathan as he starts to drive again, well and truly stunned into silence. The woman from behind overtakes us and gives us the finger on the way past. Nathan frowns at the road ahead as we pass a silver and black car that’s hit the central reservation. I want to say something but I don’t know what to say. Luckily I’m spared coming up with small talk because Nathan speaks.
“I like you, Amaya,” he confesses.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Hey All,

My Book is now in the Premium Catalog on Smashwords. I am Currently working on the second book and will also be publishing a one off Romance at the end of September. Contact me on Goodreads if you want to read it first!

Hope you are all well.

Leesha x

P.s Baby number 3 arrived safely, Another girl on the 14th August. xx

Saturday, 13 July 2013

Hello to all my fans and followers.

I'm sorry I have been away for so long, my eldest Daughter Leshaylia passed away and I disappeared for a while. I'm still in semi-hiding but I have decided that maybe returning to my writing may help to distract my mind.

Life is a strange thing. One day everything is normal and perfect and same old same old. Full of the normal routine, happiness, even the stresses of life. Then suddenly something happens and your whole life is turned upside down and it's as though the whole world has crumbled around you.
I hope in the future I may be able to write about my grief and loss of my Precious Angel, maybe even helping someone else out there that has suffered the same devastating loss, but at the moment the pain is just too raw.

I will stick to what I can write about easily. So as a thank you for your patience, I have made Becoming Aware free on Smashwords until the 31st of July. This is an updated version so I hope you all enjoy.

Take care.

Leesha xx

Friday, 28 December 2012

(C) A. T. Ebanks 2012

Abriya & Clarence
Becoming Aware
Book One

Chapter One

My life is a joke.
I’m Abriya Rodriguez and I’m in my last year of school. I wanna go to college, but to do what? Maybe art, I don't know. It all depends on what I get in my GCSE exams and then it will be a mad scramble to get into a course I’d be somewhat interested in. I desperately want out of this school though, I know that much.
I’m an only child, my mum died when I was born. My dad was so devastated when she died, that he gave me away to my Nana and he later disappeared so I haven’t known either of my parents and I don't ask my Nana about them. I don't need to. Nana raised me and I think I’ve turned out alright. I don't really talk much and she respects that; I like to keep to myself and not ask too many questions. I do my school work, help around the house, do my paper round every Saturday morning and listen to music on my IPOD. I go through phases of liking different types of music and right now it’s Lil Wayne’s, ‘Carter IV’. My life is boring and writing it down makes it sound even more so.
No one at school really likes me, they hardly talk to me at all unless it’s to make fun of me or threaten to beat me up. I’ve been called ugly, fat and stupid for the last five years, ever since I started secondary school. I’m one of only two mixed race students there, so I already stick out from everyone else. All I know, is that my mother was black and my father’s Hispanic; I’m quite a light mixed race, but definitely not white. Maybe if I was, I would’ve had an easy life.
I guess the only people I can say are my friends are Emma and Zoie. They don’t judge me and they aren’t embarrassed to be seen with me either. They’re both into music like me and they think that I’m funny, (in a good way). They're popular but aren't mean to me like everyone else. We don't have many lessons together and I rarely see them at lunch. But then, I don't eat lunch at school anymore because I don't want to sit on my own. The last time I was going to eat at lunch about 4 months ago, Kimberly and her gang tipped my tray of food all over me. It was soooo embarrassing and by far, the worst day of my life. Everyone laughed at me and not just for the rest of the day, but for weeks after. Now I eat loads before and after school. I probably shouldn’t; that’s probably the reason why everyone calls me fat. I hate school and the sooner the next two months pass, the better.
There is one good thing about school though - and that's seeing Clarence. He's, Omg so fit! He only started last year but he’s like, the best looking boy in the school and all the girls fancy him. He looks much older than the rest of us, so I think anyway. He doesn't go out with any girls at school, even Kimberly. She still tries flirting with him though and it’s well funny. I know he's out of my league, but it makes me feel better to know that he doesn't want her either.
Kimberly is really pretty, tall and slim – everything I’m not. For some reason I don't really think short, fat, crazy frizzy hair and glasses are Clarence’s thing. I do think I have nice eyes though.
I can remember the first time I saw Clarence, like it was yesterday. He was getting out of a dark blue beamer parked outside the school gates. I was walking up the road with my head down (as usual) when I suddenly felt an urge to look up, and there he was. He was strolling towards the gates and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’d never seen a boy as hot as him before and I felt butterflies in my stomach instantly. He stood at the entrance and when I walked past him he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Hello, Abriya,’ catching me staring at him. I was so embarrassed that he’d caught me staring that I didn’t even ask how the hell he knew my name; I just mumbled a hello back, avoiding eye contact. Somehow managing not to pass out from hyperventilating - I carried on walking into school, deciding it best not to look back.
Since that day, he has always smiled at me. When he hears the girls being mean to me he comes over and asks if they, ‘ain’t got nothin better to do’. He’s got a slight Southern American accent, the way his words flow – it’s hypnotic. So much that Kimberly literally drools at him when he talks to her. Apparently his family moved here for work. He doesn’t hang about with a lot of people at school; mainly it’s just him and Josh - his best friend.
He never stays to talk after he scares away Kimberly and her gang and I’m glad because I get really bad butterflies when he smiles at me, I don't think I could manage actually talking to him. I kinda see him as my knight in shining armour who rescues me from the bullies.
He's the other mixed race student in my school. I think maybe that’s why he sticks up for me; he knows what it feels like to be the odd one out. He’s tall for his age and he’s a big build as well, broad shoulders and big muscles. He has tan-brown skin, a perfect smile and such light brown eyes that they basically look like gold, I love his eyes. His hair is dark brown, short and wavy and he’s got nice soft looking lips that I think about kissing…a lot. When I see him in PE, he runs so fast and he looks really strong. I suppose in my own messed up way, I’m kinda obsessed with him and I will definitely miss him the most when we all finish school in a few months.
"Course-work deadline is nearly upon us guys," says Mrs Davies, my art teacher, sitting down at the beech desk at the front of the class.
I’m not really paying attention because Clarence is sitting a few rows in front of me and I just stare at the back of him for most of this lesson. Thank God this is my best subject otherwise I’d probably be failing it. Two art lessons are the only ones we have together and I look forward to them every, single, week.
Everybody groans. I’m not worried though, I have nearly finished my coursework. I chose abstract art. Even if I’m rubbish at all my other subjects at least I know that this will be the one good grade I get. I find drawing and painting therapeutic, a way to escape my shitty life. Maybe I will do an art course at college.
"God, Abriya, you have it so bad for Clarence, I’m surprised he hasn't got a hole in his head from where your eyes are constantly burning through it," whispers Zoie who's sitting next to me.
"Zoie, you know I can’t help it," I turn and pout at her. I could draw Clarence from memory if I had to; I study him every opportunity I get and I’m sure I know every line, shadow and beauty spot on his face.
Zoie tuts and then smiles. “Why don’t you just tell him you like him and get it over with, it’s the end of school soon so it’s not like you’ll have to face him every day if he says he’s not interested.”
I shake my head. “I’m not telling him okay? Ever. You can’t say anything either alright,” I whisper harshly, irritated by yet another attempt for her to get me to tell Clarence that I like him. Not gonna happen.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she groans in her usual disappointed tone.
The bell signals the end of the lesson and I pack my things away slowly, so I can watch Clarence for as long as possible. He takes a long time to pack away too and at one time I thought he was doing it on purpose, but I soon realised I was being delusional.
"Later Abriya," says Zoie, tapping my shoulder before she leaves class.
"Later," I mumble as I continue to watch Clarence, not taking my eyes off him.
He's wearing his white school shirt open at the first couple of buttons and his tie is hanging loosely around his neck. He looks so sexy that my insides turn to mush.
He puts away his sketch pad first, it’s decorated in pictures of old stone statues and carvings. It’s all dark and haunted looking, it looks scary. He then puts his pens and pencils away in his black pencil case, throws it in his red Nike back-pack and zips it up.
That’s my cue to look away. I don’t want him to catch me staring at him ever again; I’d probably die from the embarrassment.
I’m putting the rest of my paints in my bag as I hear him turn and start walking towards me to the door. I don't look up; I just keep staring down at my bag and putting my things away. When he walks nearer it’s like I can feel him staring at me. It’s just a feeling I get or maybe it’s just wishful thinking. My heart beats so fast, I hear it in my head. He’s really close and my hands start shaking; he makes me so nervous.
As I'm zipping up my bag, my elbow accidentally smacks into his arm.
Oh. My. God!
My whole body jumps out of its skin. I hold my breath and completely freeze. Oh no, now he's gonna be vexed with me and he'll start being mean to me like everyone else. I know he's usually nice but who knows what he'll say now. I want to say sorry, but I'm frozen, I just look straight at my feet, wincing, waiting for the shouting to start. You stupid bitch, you fat cow, watch where you're goin'.
"Sorry Abriya," he says softly.
I nearly give myself whiplash from how fast I look up at him, utterly speechless. I look him in the eyes and my heart feels like it’s gonna come out my mouth. He's looking at me strangely, his gold eyes mesmerise me as they look right into me.
I blink rapidly and swallow hard, finally breaking the silence.
"For what?" I manage the question in a high pitched squeak. Great, my voice sounds really stupid.
He puts his hand on my elbow. I quickly glance around to see if anyone else is still in the room. There isn’t.
"For bumping into your arm of course," he says with a look of concern, as if it’s obvious.
I give a shy smile back. He's still holding my arm. "Don’t worry about it," I mutter.
"Oh, but I do," he frowns at me.
"I’m the one who hit you; you have nothing to be sorry for. Besides, I’m a nobody." I look back down at the floor; I can't seem to look him in the eyes for long before feeling seriously shy. He’s so hot and sexy and gorgeous and perfect and everything.
He lifts my chin up so I have to look at him; I think he just gave me an electric shock. I’m breathing so hard and it’s not butterflies in my stomach now, it feels more like elephants jumping up and down.
"You are not a nobody Abriya. Don’t listen to anyone when they say those things. They don't know anything, they're all fucking stupid," he says harshly, his jaw clenching.
I stare at him confused. Why is he being so nice to me? And why do I want to kiss him so badly? His lips look really, really inviting.
He runs the back of his fingers slowly down my face, I close my eyes and my breath catches. I feel like time has stopped around us. Suddenly his soft lips are on mine and they almost tingle. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes tighter together. Omg-Omg-Omg, Clarence James is kissing me! My heart feels like it’s gonna jump out of my mouth and I’m deafened from the loud thumping of my heartbeat ringing in my ears. He moves his lips gently against mine, I’m moving my lips too and I finally take a breath. I can't think straight but my body is acting all by itself.
He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. He's so warm and his body is hard against my own, he smells divine like fabric softener and cologne but mainly something else. His own individual scent I’m sure will be imprinted in my mind forever.
I put my hands on his arms and we are kissing faster now, he pushes his tongue in my mouth. It’s so soft and feeling brave, I rub my tongue against his. He makes a sound and I still, making Clarence end the kiss. Oh God, what did I do wrong? I've never kissed a boy before; I’m probably terrible at it.
He slides one hand around my waist and another in my pony-tail, gently pulling it downward so I’m looking up at him. His gold-ish eyes have changed into a dark brown, glazed over; his stare is so intense that it almost scares me.
He sucks in a breath and then he leans in and kisses me again, pushing his tongue back inside my mouth. I guess he does like it? I slide my tongue against his as he kisses me harder than before; he's pressing into me and holding me close. He groans again and I moan against his lips. This feels better than anything I've ever felt in my life.
Then he pulls away from me, shaking his head, "I’m so sorry Abriya, I shouldn't have kissed you so roughly," he apologises with another concerned expression.
My body is numb, I’m in shock. Mostly because he's not sorry for kissing me, but only because he thought that he was rough with me.
"I’m not sorry Clarence, I…I really liked it," I manage to say, my breathing erratic.
I mean, I really, really, really, really, loved it.
He studies me for a few moments and then slowly smiles. He flattens my frizzy hair down with his hands, then leans toward me and kisses me quickly on my forehead.
"You don't even know how amazing you are. We better get to our next lessons, we’re late," he smirks, obviously amused.
He hands me my back-pack and walks towards the door. Abruptly he turns to face me and says, "You're really stronger than you think."
Then he walks through the door, leaving me standing there, wondering what the hell just happened.

Chapter Two

The next two months fly by. I’m doing my last exam today. It’s July and amazingly, we’ve actually had some sunshine. I've been helping my Nana do her car boot sales and a few fĂȘte’s at St Joseph's CHURCH.
Surprisingly, no-one has really been mean to me for the last three months. They still don't talk to me and no-one has said anything horrible, sometimes it feels like I’m invisible and they don't even look at me. Kimberly still gives me dirty looks but I try to avoid her as much as possible; hiding out in the toilets or at the end of the school field at break times.
Clarence hasn't kissed me again. He still smiles at me though and when he walks past me he brushes my arm with his. He hasn't spoken to me and I haven’t spoken to him either. I replay the whole scene of the end of that art lesson in my head every day. At night I think about him and I dream about him. I actually think I love him but then if some other boy kissed me like that, then maybe I might feel the same. I don’t understand what it is about him that makes me like him so much and I wonder how long it will take for me to forget about him after I finish school. I also wonder why he even kissed me, but I’m happy he did. His lips felt as soft as they look and I don't know what cologne he wears but it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever smelt. He’s perfect in every way, but me? Maybe he just felt sorry for me?
Something happened though, because I’ve felt different since that day. I can’t explain it, but it’s since he kissed me. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but if I wanted to find Clarence, then I think I could. Like, if I walked, with Clarence in mind then I would walk straight to him, no matter where he was, like, we’re connected in some way.
My school work is easier too and I find myself knowing a lot of the answers. Some things I still find difficult to understand but most of the answers just pop into my head and my exams have been going really well, I think.
Or maybe I really am going crazy.
I haven’t told anyone about what happened between Clarence and me. Not even Emma and Zoie, I doubt they would believe me anyway. The sexiest guy in school kissing chubby Abriya? Please!
As I take a seat at a random desk near the back of the hall, I notice that Clarence isn't here. I don't even need to look around for him to make sure. I just know. Why isn’t he here? He loves art; I can tell by the way he concentrates during the lessons.
"You have two hours to complete this paper. You may begin," says the female examiner, setting the timer on her desk.
I don't waste any time starting on my paper. I love art and I’m confident this will be my best grade. I sketch and answer every question as fully as possible. I close the paper and look at the clock. Twenty minutes left.
After re-reading it and deciding that I’m happy with all of my answers, I stand and walk to the front. I give the woman my paper and head out of school for the second from last time.
August arrived and tomorrow I finally get my exam results back. I’m nervous but fairly confident at the same time. For some reason I’m not as worried as I had been a few months ago. No matter what, I have a feeling that everything will be okay.
I haven’t seen or heard from Clarence again, (not like we’re together or anything) but I miss him. I miss him smiling at me and his beautiful brown-gold eyes looking into my soul. I think of him often, I can’t help it. His face and voice will randomly pop into my head and I feel warm, safe, it’s the strangest feeling. I wonder what he’s doing now. He’s so smart at everything and I’m sure he'll be very successful no matter what he decides to do.
My Nana knows something is up but she hasn’t asked me about it. I think she’s hoping that I’ll just come out with it and tell her. I would…but I feel embarrassed. I let a boy that I hardly even know just kiss me like that. What a slut.
I eat tea with my Nana and watch TV with her for a couple of hours. She's going to ASPEN for a week with her friend tomorrow. They go every year around this time. This time I’ll be staying on my own. I hug and kiss my Nana goodbye and then head to bed.
I wake up and jump straight in the shower; I wanna reach school early to collect my results. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can say goodbye to that place for good. The house is quiet so I blast Rihanna on my stereo while I’m getting ready. I dress in black jeans and a t-shirt and tie my hair up into a ponytail, Spray on some deodorant and grab my bag and keys. I look out the window and see the sun is out so I don’t bother with a jacket. I’m out the door by nine thirty and I make it to school by five past ten.
I wait patiently in line as I see people around me crying, shouting, smiling; all emotions based on their exam results. Kimberly looks upset and I’m happy about that. Sorry, but if she could feel just a tiny bit of what my life has been like for the past five years, then she deserves it.
"Well done Abriya, good luck in the future," says Mr Johnson as he hands me my results in a big white envelope.
Well done? That means I must have done okay then?
"Thanks Sir," I smile as I turn and walk away from the crowds.
I start walking towards home; I’ll open my results on the way. I just want to get the hell out of here once and for all without giving anyone an opportunity to pick on me.
 When I reach the park that’s half way between my school and my house, I get a text from my Nana saying she's arrived in ASPEN and she'll call me tomorrow. I sit on a bench opposite the swings. The sun is still out and the heat feels good on my skin; I hate being cold. There are children playing, throwing wood chips at each other a few yards in front of me.
Taking a quick deep breath, I tear open the envelope and pull out the papers…I’m totally shocked at what I read.

Maths – B
Drama – B
English – B
Science – C
Art – A*
Business Studies – B
History – B
Geography – C
Religious Studies – C

I look at the pages of results, absolutely gob smacked. How the hell did I pull this off? I was sure I’d get D's and C's not B's and C's. I check the name just in case I've been given the wrong results; nope, it says 'Abriya Rodriguez' at the top. They are definitely my results.
I’m staring shocked at the paper when I feel a pulling in my chest from behind me. I can smell his scent. I know it’s him.
"Congratulations Abriya," Clarence whispers over my shoulder.
"Thanks Clarence," I mumble without even turning around to look at him. He walks around the bench and sits close beside me.
"How did you know?" I question him as I continue to stare at the papers in my hand.
"I know everything when it comes to you Abriya. Just like you'll know everything about me one day," he says as he tucks some of my loose hair behind my ear.
"What do you mean?" I ask, finally turning to look at him.
He's staring at me. His soft lips curve into a smile and his wavy hair is more messy than usual, like he’s been running. He looks even sexier than when I last saw him and he looks older dressed in normal clothes, maybe like twenty-one. He's wearing dark blue faded jeans and a white t-shirt. His brown skin looks so good against the white. He holds my right hand in his left and stares straight into my eyes. My heart is pounding hard against my chest and I start feeling nervous.
Then suddenly he talks, but his lips don't move, I hear him, but he doesn't make a sound.
‘I haven’t got much time,’ he rushes his words. ‘You are so special, me and you Abriya we…I have to go away for a while so you won’t be able to feel me anymore. On your twentieth birthday you will feel me again and it will be much stronger than it is now. I will find you nearer the time and help you through your change. I can't go into details and I’m sorry I have to leave you with this. Don’t be afraid... You will change and you will be...’ he pauses, ‘…stronger.’
He studies me closely, quickly, trying to figure out my reaction. I blink rapidly up at him; I can’t make sense of anything he just said. All I can think about is that he just called me special and that I really want him to kiss me again. I stare at his lips as I lick my own.
He smiles before leaning in to kiss me, soft and slowly. I close my eyes and kiss him back, my body responds to his touch instantly and without hesitation. He slips his tongue in my mouth and as it finds mine, we kiss long and deep. I drop my results on the floor and we kiss harder and faster, moaning softly, my hands on his shoulder and neck and his hands on my waist. My stomach has a million butterflies fluttering around. My heart is pounding and my chest feels like it might explode. He breaks the kiss and looks me in the eyes.
"I can’t explain everything now, I have to go. Just know that I care about you…a lot, I always have, even before you met me. You are, so special to me. Enjoy your life, have fun, do all the things that people in their teens do. I’ll miss you every-day, know that."
Then kisses my forehead and stands up to leave. I want to ask him questions; I want to ask him what on earth he means by all of this.
"I think I love you Clarence," I blurt out.
Instead of asking questions with the last seconds I have with him, I just tell him how I feel. He gives me a warm smile but there is sadness in his eyes.
"I know you do Abriya but now…” he shakes his head, “it’s not our time. I have to go now," he says sadly.
And as he stands and walks away, I sit where he left me and I cry.
He was right, as soon as he left my sight, I couldn’t feel him anymore, I can’t find him and it’s like a part of me left with him. The warmth I felt of knowing I could always find him has gone and I feel completely and utterly alone.
After spending a lifetime on the bench, I pick up my exam results and slide them back into the envelope. I finally leave the park and walk home; I feel so lost, empty inside. I miss him already. How am I going to last years without him? Why does my heart feel like it’s broken? And most importantly, how am I gonna change? I kinda believe he was telling me the truth but I don’t understand any of it.
As I reach my front door I tell myself that the best thing I can do, the only thing I can do is wait for him. Do my college course whatever that may be, and try to enjoy my life as much as possible. I can’t dwell on the fact that he's gone. I don't even have any assurances that I will ever see him again.
But if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that forgetting about Clarence will be easier said, than done.
I manage to enrol on an A level Arts class at North Oxfordshire College in my hometown. I also pick up Performing Arts and A level Maths and Psychology as they were the only A levels with spaces left. The people in my classes are much friendlier here. I can keep to myself and no-one bothers me. They're all too wrapped up in gossip, boys or fashion to even notice me. I see other people from school at college; they're not in my classes though and they’re all in their own little groups.
As I walk home from college one day, I see Kimberly at my local shops. She's on her own smoking a fag. She spots me and immediately starts stomping over in my direction, flicking the butt away on the way over. I start to panic but I’m not as scared seeing her now, knowing she's on her own; at least if we’re gonna fight then I’m not outnumbered. I haven’t seen her at college and Emma told me that apparently she didn’t do too well in her exams.
"Oi fatty," she yells as I start to walk off. "I’m talking to you ugly," she shouts as she stomps straight up to me and grabs my arm.
"What do you want Kimberly?" I ask shakily, finding some courage from somewhere.
"I know you cheated in your exams you fuckin' bitch. Everybody knows you can’t go from dumb ugly fuck to smart ugly fuck in a few months," she purses her lips and narrows her eyes at me.
I yank my arm from her grip and start to walk off. She follows close behind me. My heart is racing from fear so badly that I feel like I might pass out.
"You not gonna say anything fatty? In such a rush to get home and fill your fat ugly face," she spits.
Her words hurt more than if she’d hit me. I think I’d have preferred a punch.
"I got nothing to say to you," I shout over my shoulder, tears stinging my eyes. Oh God, don’t cry, please don’t cry.
"You’re so fuckin weak and pathetic! You'll always be a nobody Tubriya! A fat, ugly, nobody," she snarls.
"Whatever!" I reply under my breath, desperately holding back my tears as I walk away. I hate that name, Tubby and Abriya together.
I hear a phone ring. “Hey!” she answers and starts talking. I glance over my shoulder to see her stop following me and turn to walk back in the opposite direction. I breathe a sigh of relief and my fear subsides, hurt taking its place.
I finally reach home and go straight upstairs to my room. The house is empty; my Nana isn’t home from her craft workshop for another couple of hours. I sit on my bed and the tears that had threatened earlier start to silently stream down my cheeks.
I hate being fat!
Standing up, I walk straight towards the mirrored door on my wardrobe and pick out everything I hate about my body; my flabby arms, my fat legs, my double chin. I lift up my baggy T-shirt and stare at my stomach in the mirror. I hate this most of all. I poke it with my fingers and it wobbles.
"I am not going to be fat anymore," I say aloud, a statement. From this day forward, I will lose weight and eat healthy. I angrily wipe my tears; tomorrow, I join a gym.

Chapter Three

(A Few Years Later)

Becoming Aware - The Abriya & Clarence Series - Available on Kindle, Kindle App's for smartphones and on your Laptop.